Setbacks to Success

Setbacks Are Not The End

I was writing an article the other day and I came up with this line. I found it pretty inspiring and I wanted to share it here with you. Let your setbacks become a springboard for your comeback. 

Setbacks are common in life, but wallowing in misery that the setback has brought you would only make things worse. Instead use the setback as a springboard for your success. 

Emotions Are Energy

Setbacks always leave us with anger, resentment or hurt. Allow the anger and the disappointment within you to create something that makes heads turn, ears perk up and eyes widen with astonishment. 

The energy that could be wasted in negative emotions which make you feel even worse than before need to be converted into positive energy.  This energy when put into action can bring out the best in you. 

Rise Above Your Emotions

Prove the world wrong by rising above the situation.  Do whatever you do in the best, in the way you can. Let your work rest, look at it again, you may see the flaws in your work, correct them. 

You may come up with new and better ideas to do what you have done. Don't be afraid to redo the work if you have too. Work until the the dullness wears off and the work is illuminated with the brilliance of your effort.

Become The One You Want to Be

 You cannot become the one you want to be by being who you are now.  Let the anger and the disappointment drive your comeback. Become the one you have always wanted to be. Change is the way to growth. 

Commitment is the strength that can keep you in your track to reach the goal. Never let it go out of sight. If you have to write your goal on a placard and put it on your desk to remind you do so. If you have to have the text running on your phone each time you look at it make it your wallpaper. Do what it takes to remain committed to your objective. 

Drive Away The Doubts and Fear

Do not entertain the lies and the doubts that stealthily enter your mind. Drive them out with the purpose that is now in your heart, to prove your worth.  Challenge every doubt and see if it holds water, test it against your past achievements. Remember that there is always a first time. Do not fear the outcome. give it your best shot. 

Do not let the setback push you to the edge,  take control of yourself. Do not allow your emotions take the reigns. Emotions are there for a purpose, let them serve their purpose. To make you what you ought to be. 

Let your emotions become your ally not your enemy. It is not enough to ensure that there are no distractions. It is more important to work as one, thoughts, emotions and action. 

Life Is Beautiful even Without a Camera

Life is beautiful  By sofs

I read something that prompted me to write this. I know I have been away for a long, long time I have always been wanting to write but somehow I couldn’t bring myself to write here just yet. It seems today is the day and I am here to write.

Life has been beautiful to me minus the camera. It will always be, whether I have my camera or not. Not a day has passed me by without me wondering how sweet this life is. Despite all the flaws, the failings the pain and the loss, life is beautiful. I cannot stress this enough.

The sky never lets me down, there is always a moment of pure unadulterated beauty in it as the light streaks through the clouds or the clouds play around in the wind.

As I walk into the garden every morning the flowers never fail to surprise me, I often miss a breath as I gaze upon their vibrant color and beauty.

My loved ones never fail to give me that smile I long to see, that word I long to hear. I don’t need a camera to frame the moment in.. My eyes, my heart and my very soul have snatched that fleeting moment and framed it in a gallery of eternity, an eternity that would end with me.

The beauty of life is not about its great moments it is about the simple happenings every day. When I enjoy every moment of my life the great things happen unexpectedly, making me ecstatic.

I adopted two street dogs recently and they seem to be happy to see me every time. It’s the expectant faith in their eyes that sometimes makes me want to laugh out loud and sometimes fills my heart with love. They know that the food lady is here and their need will be met. They follow me around when I get out of the house and seem to watch out for me all day. A little goes a long way, and they seem to know, I give them a little food and they give me all they have. Life is beautiful, I can never capture it on camera.

What To Do When You Are Not In A Mood To Do Anything

I am sure that you have woken up to days when you

 were not in a mood to do anything; most of us have felt that way sometime or the other in life. What do you do at times like that? Do you let your mood (your state of mind) take control over your life or do you do something to get yourself into a mood to do something? To let your emotions take control of your life is foolishness for the person of reason that you are. However most of us seem to be unaware of the fact that our moods hijack us from reaching our destiny from time to time.

Here are some simple steps to help you get over the moods -

Work on lightening your mood. Listening to some bubbly or lively music could change the tempo of your mind. Music is an effective tool to deal with your mood at the subconscious level. Lively music could expedite the process of elevating your mood much sooner than efforts at a conscious level. One small piece of advice here, give some thought to the lyrics before you chose to listen to them. Positive, energizing lyrics and music does wonders for you.

Watch a motivating video. I always pick up videos of people doing incredible tasks to watch when I don’t feel like doing much, this often provides me with the drive that I need to move ahead. It is good to have a handy list of great motivating videos bookmarked from which you could pick one to watch on your low days.

Start with something small. Often the hardest part is getting started, so start with something small, interesting or something you like doing. Once you get started it is easy to keep going. I often promise myself I will spend ten minutes doing something and take a break if my heart isn’t into it; however I hardly ever stop after the first ten minutes. When I start doing something there is always a need to push myself forward and complete the task. Try this; it could work for you as well.

Try affirmations. I usually say, “Although I am not in the mood for doing anything, I uncover the energy and enthusiasm within to accomplish all that I set out to do today.” When you make such an affirmation, you accept the reality as it is; however you also speak a newer reality into existence; which is well within your power.

Work on enjoying your everyday life. Find those things in your everyday routines which you look forward to and incorporate those elements into your other activities. For example if you enjoy listening to music, have some soft music playing in the background while you do boring tasks. Some classical instrumental music could work well as it does not distract you from the things you have to do, but then if you don’t like classical stuff stick to instrumental music.

All though different things work for different folks, some of these tips could help lift your spirits and put you in a mood for work.

The self absorbed life

I think I am growing old or I am terribly old fashioned. When I look around I see a whole new breed of mankind, a self absorbed and self indulgent race. I am sure that I would feel totally out of place here, if not for my attitude not to see or dwell upon the negative things of life. Self indulgence maybe okay to an extent, but when people cannot think or see beyond themselves, it tells me that something is wrong with the world.

'It's all about me' - this is the attitude of  a self absorbed person, everything that happens around him/her is all about him/her. It speaks of shallowness of the soul which cannot grow to accommodate others into the weave, weft  and warp of the fabric called life. This makes the person hard to relate to and  difficult to have a conversation with. Most conversations end up being  one-way lanes which can be best labelled as self absorbed ramblings seeking to grab the lime light / attention of the other.

Every interaction seem to be weighed on just one factor - 'what is in it for me?'.  In their preoccupation they seem to believe that they are entitled to get anything they want at the cost of others. They demand attention expecting people to drop what ever they are doing and to listen to them or come to their aid. The lack of consideration and concern for others shines through it all. Envy and insecurity seem to be their hallmark often disguised beneath a veil of confidence. This is a sad life indeed.

Making use of others for my personal gain would not even merit my consideration, yet the world around me today seems like a microcosm of coexistent parasites. This makes trusting another person difficult. This also makes human relationships very complex and very mathematical by nature. I am poor at math skills... perhaps that is why I am unable to reduce relationships to a such equations.

I am glad to have learned values that were different. I am glad to have been born in a different time and age when it was important to consider the priorities of others before you thrust yourself on them. Life then was all about putting others before self. Helping others and being courteous were considered virtues worth cultivation. There was this sense of community and unity then. Today, I would love to know my neighbor, but he is too busy to stop and smile or say hello. He even goes one step further, to duck behind the blinds to avoid everyone.

This seems to me like a claustrophobic world which is just wide enough for one person. There is a growing fear, a paranoia around us. People are interested in what they can get from others while living in fear of being asked for favors. Widening your world to include others may have its difficulties, but it certainly makes your world more colourful, rich in experiences and filled with varied flavours. It makes the milk of human compassion flow through you, making you whole as a person. It opens your eyes to the plight of others making your pain and difficulties pain pale into insignificance. It teaches you to give, receive, live in hope and reach out to others. It adds more dimensions to life. It gives reality to existence. It brings you to the realization that there is more joy in giving than in taking/grabbing.

Maybe be its time we changed and went back to the roots of community living. Life is worth living only when you live with a purpose, when it grows out of the self absorbed existence. This may not be acceptable to many but this is what self improvement is all about.

Fake it and you won't make it

Self-improvement  - don't fake it

Fake it and you'll make it has been the self-improvement mantra for years now. I don't agree on this one.. I believe if you fake it you'll be found out. Instead make a sincere effort at self- improvement.

When there is a disconnect between your emotions and thought; your actions seem strange and alien even to your eyes. When you look at yourself as a stranger and need to take a second glance to make sure that the person in the mirror is you.. be sure the people around your would be even more critical of you. They are watching you at your new game under their magnifying glasses.

Okay, I hear your question loud and clear - How do I change myself?
Be true to yourself. Don't fake a behavior, instead make a sincere attempt to learn the new one. Your attitude is the difference.

When you fake something you lie to yourself, when you learn something you are honest about your lack of knowledge in that area.

Admit to your friends that you are trying to change yourself. You will find unexpected support coming from their side.

Tell yourself it is okay to fail. It takes the stress off you and you learn in an relaxed environment. It has been known that when learning takes place in a relaxed environment, learning is effective.

Self-improvement is not about faking, it is about making it in life. Faking it is adding stress to your already stressed life. For eg. if I have to fake happiness (thank heavens I never have to do that) I might find my face hurting with all those fake smiles. I would be stressed out emotionally, as it is not my nature to smile at those things that make me angry. I would possibly be at my breaking point and would be ready to pounce on some unsuspecting person.

Mentally, I working doubly hard as it have to remember that I need to fake a smile, be on my alert all the time and smile and bear it all when I would have been happily swearing at everyone.

Start with a self affirmation like I have the power to change.

Add a couple of affirmation about the specif change that you are aiming to make. Eg. I choose to be happy. I have control over my emotions.

This is very honest and acceptable affirmation. Your mind, emotions and actions can now work together in harmony.

There is no disconnect between your perception and action. The change will be smooth and transition won't hurt you too much.

Here is the new mantra - Take it from where you are and you'll make it!

Let go

Let go - © Sofspics

'Let go' has been a principle of life which I have used successfully all my life. Negative events are as much a part of life as  positive / happy events. It is when we carry negative memories of unhappy happenings that we add pain to our life. Letting go gives you the freedom to look to the future with hope.

I do not live in the past, I don't think anyone who wants to be happy should. My moment is now, the present. I live it like there is no tomorrow. I have no regrets or pain from the past. I have been able to handle each of life's situations with a good amount of objectivity.

Do I make mistakes? Don't I regret them?
Oh yes! Like everyone else I make mistakes. But then, it is a mistake, what is the point of crying over it. Wrong choices often cause much pain. The point is not to prolong the pain and make a mess of your life. When you  can see objectively through the events  it is time to change your decisions. I am human enough to accept my mistakes. The cost of having made a wrong choices often lingers on and pulls you down like dead weight,  but I have learned to sift out the wanted from the unwanted. I make a choice to solve issues not cry over them. I move on. Hard as it is, I know that this is the only way to live.

Let go of thoughts that tie you to the past. It is quite possible that they tie you to your mistakes and cause your confidence levels to go down. Replace negative thoughts with positive working thoughts which can help you breakthrough the impasse.

Let go of worry. Worry takes you into the past and links it with fear of the future. I believe that the best is yet to come. This helps me to wake up each morning with a purpose and accomplish what I desire. I believe I can always work through problems. Nothing really overwhelms me.

Let go of pain. This is one area where I need to work some more. I do carry a bit of emotional pain, more so because I have had my giants share of it lately. The pain of loss, the pain of being unable to write, the pain of letting people take advantage of my goodness. I need to shake it all off and go back to living life with zeal. I have never stopped being what I am or making the most of moment, but i have allowed the weight of the pain to cloud my mind. All I need to do is forget those things of the past and cut my connection with those things that remind me of pain. I need to immerse myself in the joy of living all over again.
Life is to be lived, and I will live it like I have always done, to the full.

Cutting the strings of the past is another important step in letting go. It is just one clean sweep and once you have done it, it has no power over you. You need to know what to hold on to and what to let go..

Find your passion ©sofspics

Let go of everything that keeps you from living life to the full. All those things that conflict with your beliefs and values. These are the things that keep you from finding your peace.

Find your passion, that fire that burns within you.. immerse yourself in it. As for me I have found my fire.. my passion for photography has come alive once again. I know that I will soon find those bits that have evaded me. For now I live, live as if there is no tomorrow.

Let go.. Live your moment.

Dealing with holiday stress

Merry Christmas - Enjoy your Holidays

This is the first year in all my adult life that I will not be decorating and celebrating Christmas the way I always do. All these years I have put myself under so much pressure cleaning, cooking, carol singing, decorating and at most importantly shopping and more shopping. I have never had a moments free time, all these years in the run up to Christmas. I am always so exhausted and tired by the time the season comes to an end.. This could be true of many of you too.
This year I have consciously decided to rest, I have had enough on my mind this year and I need a break physically, mentally and emotionally.
I find myself so relaxed and calm. I am not running from one thing to another as I usually do.
No bending backwards to please anyone, I have made my intentions clear to everyone that I am doing nothing that is going to tax me further.
I don't have to shop  Hurrah!  I really don't have to shop so much this season as I have let people know that there won't be gifts either. This has taken a huge burden off my shoulders  Deciding what gift to give each one is stressful in itself. With this off my back I am relaxing and enjoying the real spirit of the season.
For once I am attending concerts and having fun instead of practicing and singing the way we usually do. I still do a bit, but its good to hear others sing, there is no stress involved.
I am not at my baking post, baking truck loads of stuff for the whole city, now that is really wonderful.. I still do miss the smells of Christmas around our home..
The decorations have stayed in the boxes and there is less clutter to handle. Life is simple and beautiful without having to haul Christmas trees around. Well my dog loves the space.
I know the kids aren't quite happy ... but I need the break - emotionally and physically.
It is heaven living without the stress.. I take one day at a time and enjoy myself. I savor each moment and make the best of it.
I think, I will opt for a life without stress, if I can handle the guilt of the sad looking faces around me this year.
I will however, spring a huge surprise to make up for the lack of gifts and good cheer.. Whatever said and done, it is the joy of the season that adds meaning to life.. I can bring joy without having to stress myself out-
A lesson I have learned this season. I hope you can take something from this.. sometimes life is beautiful without the drama and the festivities.
Take the stress out of this season. Let your hair down, so to speak and have some fun.

Make time for yourself

Make time for yourself - Sofspics

It is good to drive yourself to achieve what you want. However, when you arrive there and find that you really don’t know if that is what you want you may end up feeling that you have wasted a big chunk of your life.

Make time for yourself. Take time to know who you are and what is it that you really want. Maybe you should forget the ‘what you want’ for now, focus on the ‘who you are’.

If you don’t know who you are or what is the purpose of your life? You are a like a ship without a rudder - directionless and living each day as it happens.

Take time today to figure out what makes you tick. Make time to understand what keeps your going, what is that which brings you happiness, what are those things that make your life more meaningful?
It does take introspection to get to the root of these questions. You need to be willing to accept that you are not perfect and it would mean time for self-improvement.

It takes time, effort and some courage to find out that you aren't perfect after all - but who is?
Making time means that you take a slice out of your day and invest it in your happiness. This is like saving for your future. You need to forego some pleasure today - perhaps it is eating out and accept some pain like cooking your own meal. Then the money you save could be invested to take care of your future. It may serve you when there is an emergency, or even help you get that beautiful something that you have always dreamed about.

While I surfed the internet a couple of days ago, I read what a young woman had written - She basically said that life is all about the pleasures of the now. She vehemently argued that one should not deny themselves of any pleasure, life is all about having fun. Well, that is her point of view, she will grow out of it someday when she realizes that she is bankrupt, broken and lost. I don’t wish it on her, but that is where such reckless living leads to.
Take time to consider if you morals and values are those that you would like your children to have, or would they be what you would like to be associated with your name five years hence.
When our values / morals conflict with what we have always accepted as our standards, there can be no peace within. You life will become the biggest war zone there is.

If the happiness that you are after, is momentary and fleeting your life will be one long journey of wanting to satisfy your need to be happy. This would not be very further from the pleasure which a person addicted to drugs or alcohol seeks, living from one high to another until he finds himself in a place of no return.
Take time to make the best of what you have, to live in harmony - first within yourself and then with the people around you.

Take time to enjoy what you have  now and ensure that what you enjoy now will last for a lifetime. This is a smart investment for life.

What are the things that are most valuable to you - Is it your family, your spouse, your career, your soul, your health, your financial well being? Figure out and start working towards it.

Consider the time you spend today working on making what you have now last a lifetime as an investment for life. Go on make time  for yourself and let it enrich your life

Thoughts on Desire

Passion Flower - sofspics

As humans we often desire something. We long for it, maybe even yearn for it and pin our happiness to it.. Is it worth it? I would say not. During a long drive through the quiet countryside I felt this question rise up repeatedly into my thoughts. Somehow my answer to it all the time was a clear 'No'. Maybe, because I believe that happiness is to be found within not without, it should not be tied to things, people and circumstances. If it did, our happiness would depend on if's and but's - that would be one hell of a emotional uncertainty. We would never be in control over our emotions or our lives.
Leave the uncertainty aside, you will not even have half a chance of living your life - this present moment that you have. A few months ago a friend of mine passed on, she had great dreams and expectations, but then life didn't wait for her. Every desire of hers was a unfinished monument, the greatness of which or the worth of which may never be known. Live your moment, enjoy the life that you have today, tomorrow will take care of itself.
Waiting for the if's and but's to make you happy could mean that you are letting the life that you have slip away from your hands without you really noticing it. Time is the only thing we as humans have.. but it is only the now that we have for sure. Letting your now pass you by as you search for the holy grail you may lead to a sad existence.
I do not mean that we should not have desires, but our desires for success or wealth or whatever they may be should not be the end of our life. Wealth, success etc,. only serve a purpose - they are a means to the end - self-realization or self actualization. These desires should only serve to highten our happiness.. not kill the life we have now.
A great Tamil (One of India's languages) poet would say of desires in Tirukural 370

Aaraa iyarkai avaaneeppin annilaiye
Peraa iyarkai tharum
Roughly translated it would mean.............

The nature of human desire is to be never fulfilled

But, the one who renounces desires is eternally fulfilled.
Easily said than done you say.. but it is easy once you learn to do it.. I used to be greatly attached to money, possessions etc... now I couldn't care less.
I place my value on people not on things anymore. Even this is proving to be a painful attachment... The loss of loved ones in the recent past has robbed me of all my desire to write, to enjoy the things I have so loved, it has been difficult to even be myself. I need to learn to let go.. of all desires .. even to be with the ones I love most. It is hard... but I am sure I can master it.. soon enough.
Thirukural 364 says
Purity consists in divesting oneself of all desires,

Which comes from the relentless pursuit of Truth.
Should we really hanker after things? Is not inner peace more valuable?

Coping with Loneliness

Loneliness - sofspics

Loneliness is a state of mind before it becomes a state of being. You could be in the midst of a crowd and feel like you are the only person on the face of the Earth.

Loneliness could be the result of feeling left out, rejected or unwanted. It could be the result of finding that you do not fit into the group or part of society that you are associated with. Most people find that aging does this to them, they feel that the younger generation no longer wants them and they have nothing useful to offer or receive from their own children or grandchildren.

Whatever maybe the cause of your loneliness, you need to understand that you a social being and you need (a) companion/s. Being connected is the essence of being human. Emotionally cutting yourself away believing that you are not wanted only adds to your misery.

I am not too much of a crowd person. I am a great communicator when I am in a face to face interaction. A group of four or five is fine with me, but when the numbers become large I cut myself away, to be alone. This is a choice I make, to be alone, this is not necessarily loneliness. I enjoy my time, doing what I please when I am alone. Being alone, allows me to enjoy my 'me time', to work without interruption and to be able to concentrate fully. This, I would never consider loneliness.

However, if I feel that I am left-out or unwanted, it may inject a feeling of loneliness into my psyche, which is why I said, "Loneliness is a state of mind before it becomes a state of being."

Loneliness Quotes
At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self. Brendan Francis

The whole problem of life, then, is this: how to break out of one's own loneliness, how to communicate with others.  Cesare Pavese

Friendship needs no words - it is solitude delivered from the anguish of loneliness. Dag Hammarskjold

Feeling loneliness is a choice.

You need to let go of that feeling that no one wants you, or you are not part of the community or social circle that you are in. You need to make the effort to be useful and active in the community you live in.

I visit an elderly lady who lives all by herself often. We spend a hour a fortnight together. She comes through as fun loving and acceptable company, yet she lives like a recluse. She does not know her neighbors, she has no friends (I visit her because I was told that she is lonely) She has children and family living in the city but, they don't visit her. Why? She has cut herself away from the very people she loves, believing that they do not need her anymore.

It just takes a little more effort on your part to make yourself more approachable, a smile would do the job well at times.

An active pet could engage your time never allowing you to feel lonely. Looking after others or pets could keep your mind off you, self-pity is your enemy.

Hobbies and interest could keep you engaged meaningfully. Another elderly lady whom I visit often is a great friend of mine. She is arthritic, her hands are slightly deformed by the disease. She however, is constantly engaged in painting, crafts, teaching others, helping and counselling others, cooking etc., She is a joy to be with.

Get involved in some community activity or social service activity.

Go out of your way to help others... you will have no time to do your own work; let alone feeling lonely.

Keep your mind away from how you feel and on what you are doing... this will help you avoid those old painful feelings and move into a new and exciting realm of meaningful social interactions.

When you are feeling down...

When you are feeling down - it is time to fly up into the sun!
© sofspics 2012

When you are facing what seems like the end of a journey, you may have new vistas to explore. You may believe that you have come to the end of a journey, your emotion loaded tears could blind you from seeing the many doorways that have opened up... Have you been there? Have you felt like this?
Life never comes to an end until it has ended and you have failed to breathe.. As long as there is breath in you, you need to face every obstacle that stares you in the face, even if it is an eyeball to eyeball match - don't blink!
 Life is not about running away, it is about standing up to the challenges and finding meaning in the midst of the chaos that surrounds you.
When you are down, there is just one way to look and it is up.. there is one way to go and that is up too... You cannot go down any further.. you only have to rise above the scum...
If you are positive you could fly high too...troubles, sadness, worries affect you momentarily but can never hold you down.. and if you have faith you will soar above the high fliers too..
Every dead end makes you look for ways to fly.. until you face the dead ends you will never know that you had it in you to work that miracle.
Miracles are there for the taking, but are you ready for one... do the unconventional.. the impossible, the implausible... The hen flies when her chicks are threatened... she would normally never attempt that.. and yet when an eagle threatens the life of her young ones she does the impossible... she flies to fight that which threatens her future.
The crow beats the life out of a cobra if she find that her young ones are attacked... but she would never think of having anything to do with the cobra normally..
Uncommon situations bring out the uncommon reactions in you... are you ready to fly high, to take a huge leap, to do the impossible...
Impossible is nothing.. for those who dare or for those who live each moment with courage.
The impossible is a possibility for actions, which prove your mettle and lift you above the normal... Fear not adversity.. you have an opportunity to prove yourself all over again!
When you are feeling down... Look up...move up!

Animated Emoticons

Animated emotion icons - sofspics

Do men and women use emoticons or animated emoticons differently ? I am sure they do... I love to use the smiley so often in my communications.  Some sentences may have more emoticons than words... My husband and  friends would attest to that. Sometimes, I send my son a couple of smileys when he is at the university and he sends some back to me :) Its my way of telling him that he is special. 
Women love to convey their emotions through their communication. The email just isn't enough to tell someone how you feel about communicating with them. 
Men on the other hand love to hide their emotion even in face to face conversations. Oh! haven't you seen the dead pan face? 
Do emotion icons enhance enhance the quality of communication? 
I would say yes, but then that is because I love emoticons.
Women have no difficulty talking about anything, if they are comfortable in a relationship. They do not hesitate to reveal their emotions either. Could this be why emoticons are more popular with women than men?
I read somewhere that men used emoticons mainly to convey skepticism and sarcasm. I do not know how far this is true. But, I do know one thing, men can hide any any emotion behind sarcasm, they also seem to be adept at veiling their true emotions behind a seemingly humorous conversation. 
I know, that this post is a little far from what I generally write.. but then relationship have always intrigued me and emoticons too:) 
Communication really has to be simple. Simple enough for you to understand yourself. Emoticon communication is simple, it tells the other person about the range of emotions that each of your ideas bring up in you.
Could it be equal to your smile? Well, I smile all the time. It is a natural part of me..  to me it conveys warmth and happiness at being with the person. Maybe, in someways, its like my dog wagging her tail.. every time my eyes fall upon her, she is happy to be with me... even if we are together all day long. 
Happiness is an emotion that we need not shy away from. It is sad when people have to hide their 
emotions behind something... No wonder they say men are from Mars and women are form Heaven .. Oh, nope Venus, I mean.
Animated conversations often mean that people are totally into the conversation. Could animated smileys mean that too? 
This is just a smiley lover's confession... I needed a break from serious thought and maybe you could do with some. :)
Have a great weekend!

Instant gratification - 3

Delaying the time between the need and the gratification helps you develop the most awesome quality in a human being called will power, self discipline or inner strength. Willpower ensures that you achieve almost everything you want.

This need to seek instant gratification is what gets people addicted and enslaved in some way to some substances.

By seeking instant gratification people are fixing their needs instead of fixing their problems. The deep seated problem may be a childhood issue of insecurity or abuse etc.. which really needs to be fixed to live a happy life. Instead, happiness is sought in a bottle or a pill or some chemicals... or even from some maladaptive behaviours.

As you focus on working out issues instead of grabbing what is in front of you, you would see the quality of your life improving in all areas.

You would see a generalized improvement in the way you cope and adapt to the people and things around you.

You would see that you have a better handle over your emotions too in the process.

People today, have more money than ever before and yet you constantly hear them saying, “I am broke.” Honestly where does the money go Impulsive buying, things that you don’t really need but want, wasteful spending, no concept of saving for a future.... Instant gratification is at the root of all this.

Seeking instant gratification is infantile behaviour according to psychologist. This shows that we have somewhere stopped growing into mature beings.

It is so sad that the younger generation is assailed by the media that constantly drills it into them that they need to seek instant gratification.. Are we failing our children? Maybe it is time to think.

Instant gratification - continued...

Instant gratification, give it to me now, is the mode most of us are in. We do not want to wait. Now or never seems to be the mindset and why not? The world is willing to indulge us with instant this or that all the time!
What does seeking instant gratification do to you?
Well it does seem to do a lot more harm than we think it does. It lowers the quality of life. Well, it does empty my bank balance soon enough, if I am frequently taking away food from restaurants, it undermines my health over a period of time, it makes me lazy to a point that I start thinking I never need to put in any hard work for anything.. and the list goes on. 
I would live a life that is impoverished and without any survival skills that I may need. I picked up this rather strong example to drive home a point that seeking instant gratification lowers the quality of life. 
Working and waiting for something brings with the achievement the kind of pleasure that nothing else can bring. I remember my first salary with so much pleasure and pride. I had studied hard  for years to get that job. My first salary was well planned. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it, because for years I had planned it that way. I bought my mother a lovely piece of clothing which she treasures to this day. When you work and wait, the value of what you have achieved just moves up by leaps and bounds.
What comes fast goes away fast too. Well, most people who have wealth and success have worked for it.  I see teenagers working for Call centers and being paid handsome salaries just after high school. Do they have value for the money they earn? Hardly anyone seems to have from what I have seen. I counsel these youngsters so often and they seem to think life is one easy ride. You can have anything the moment you want it. I would call them the instant gratification generation.  I also realize that they have no passion for living, they want to have fun, but there is no real joy in living. A real malaise of this generation.
The moment they join an organization they are looking for a raise, a promotion. You never get promoted without a test. A test proves your caliber or mettle. A test is what tells you where you stand. I love tests.. I always have.. and I always emerge stronger from tests because I know my worth. 
When you seek instant gratification there is no testing of your mettle. You weaken like the unused muscle. Your mind power or will power is at its weakest... can you achieve something with poor will power? Ask yourself that today.  

Instant gratification

Instant Gratification - sofspics

I want it now
if I can't have it
it does not exist
somehow!

I need you
but I can’t wait
long enough
to have you!

I want happiness
instantly
right now, right here
No patience to wait
Gotta have it now Or I flee

Now or never
There is no forever
Impatience is mine
I have no time!

This seems to be the song of this generation.. in search of instant gratification. What does instant gratification mean to you? Watch out for my next post to read more...
Have a great weekend!
http://mindspacearena.blogspot.in/2012/03/instant-gratification-continued.html

Negative self talk

Negative selftalk - sofspics

 Negative self talk is what gives rise to negative emotions. This is the constant talk going on in your head that is cynical, unbelieving and hopeless. Anything you approach is colored by what is going on in your head, yeah there is a running commentary that goes on, a constant evaluation of things. This may not be objective evaluation but a prejudiced evaluation that is colored by your perception and experiences which are layered by negative emotions and baggage from the past.
Negative self talk need to be eliminated. You need to stop the thought as it arises.
Thought stopping can be done effectively with awareness of what is going on and a little practice.
Stopping the thought by itself is not enough, you need to replace that with positive self talk.
Developing positive self talk starts with listing your strong points. Write them down, making sure you write at least two points for each area - example family, work, social life, hobbies etc..
Now this needs to be in the form of statements that could be used as self affirmations.
Keep this written on a flash card and look it up each time you are assailed by negative self talk.
Read it as many times as you can through the day. Once you have a hang of it repeat it to yourself as often as possible.
Soon you will be auto correcting negative self talk and positive self talk will be on auto pilot.
Studies have suggested that positive self talk is any day more productive than negative self talk.
Negative self talk serves only to fuel your anxieties fears and low self-esteem. Change that constant battering inside today! Have a wonderful day!

Negative emotions - how to deal with negative emotions 2

Deal with negative emotions - sofspics

Negative emotions as I mentioned in my previous post, just needs to be modified and redirected to work for you. Negative emotions always turn inward ruining your health. They cause physical and mental problems making you more vulnerable than before to illnesses, disturbance in sleep, appetite, making you feel stressed out and always under pressure.
You could lose your temper any minute and pay for the consequences socially too.
It is easy to deal with negative emotions. If you are angry with someone about the way they treated you, turn your anger against that injustice and fight against it. If someone dumped you, just tell yourself that you hate being dumped, how dumping hurts you and how you would never let anyone feel that way again. Resolve to love and trust people and never let them down.
You may think that this is impossible, it is difficult, not impossible. The more you tell yourself, 'I will love', 'I will be fair', 'I will trust and be kind'... the more your mind will accept your ideas and work positively.
Hey! don’t think that you are doing someone a favor, you are not! You are doing yourself a huge favor!
You are refusing to let your mind work negatively and let the acid burn holes in you. You are acknowledging a higher and better way of life while opening yourself to positive living.
You are refusing to let the hurt go deeper and form ugly scars in your psyche. You are opening yourself to a loving and beautiful life in the future, without the baggage of the past weighing heavily on your shoulders.
It takes time and practice. You need patience and alertness to check yourself when you fall back into the old rut.
You need to be consistently affirming yourself that you are capable of love could ultimately bring about the needed change.
Permit yourself to be happy. Don’t punish yourself for another's fault.
Love and believe in yourself. Negative emotions often lead you to believe in the opposite.
If Spring cleaning of your mind is in order.. do it today! Let your life bloom in the colors of spring.. bright and happy. You deserve it!

Negative emotions - how to deal with negative emotions

I would like to begin by saying that there are no negative emotions, all emotions serve a positive purpose. Hold on, let me explain this..
Negative emotions like hate, envy, jealousy, anger, etc. could be directed rightly, to achieve positive results.
These are not meant to be turned on people. People need to be loved, respected, understood, accepted, forgiven and loved again.
Negative emotions are for stuff. Poverty, injustice, racism etc... There are many thing that could change for the better if we could turn our negative emotions towards them.
We could have a world worth living and loving, if we used our negative emotions properly.
For example hate serves a purpose, you need to hate lying, cheating, immoral behaviour so much so that you keep away from such things.
We often hate the one who lies, the one who cheats making him/her all the more negative and bitter towards the world that won’t help them.
Jealousy or envy could be redirected slightly from a person to a goal or an achievement, to turn it positive. Instead of being jealous about a person, it is better to direct that negative emotion towards achieving what the person has achieved - which is what is making you jealous in the first place. Let me make it clear here that I do not advocate comparisons, but it is better to redirect such emotions when you feel them, so that you do not hurt yourself and others.
These emotions could burn you up from within.. anger drills holes into your intestines... or at least produces enough acid to do the work for you. It also raises up your heart rate and your blood pressure and kills whatever you have in terms of good health and mental peace.
Just change the flow of your negative emotions today.. deflect them and let them work for you!

Contentment - A way of life

Contentment  - sofspics

‘Contentment’ the word pops up into mind, often. I am content most of the time, but today when things aren’t going the way I want them to go, I still feel a certain measure of contentment. Feeling ill is something I do not like, but the word still pops up tonight as I sit down to blog. It is not an emotion, it is an acquired taste. A way of living, I would say.
Playing with my dog and watching her antics make me feel so happy and content. Watching the birds build their nests on the tree outside, this morning, filled me with so much contentment. The fact that I am alive and do what ever I want to, fills me with a feeling of peace, joy and perfect contentment. Yet, things aren’t perfect here... at least not the way I want them to be. My body is not in its perfect state, making me less capable of doing the things I need to do.
I have hope! I can accomplish what I want to because there is a tomorrow. I have met and given today my best shot! I am content in that, I rest knowing I have tried my best within my limited capabilities.
This state of mind comes from years of mindfulness. Living the moment, letting peace fill my heart and enjoying the simple things of life.
There are days when I am not able to do much and yet I try to spread my happiness to someone who needs it. I pick up the phone and cheer up someone who truly needs it that day. A deed that reaches out to others fills me with a sense of contentment. Or like today, play with my pet dropping all that I need to do, just to tell her she is important to me, my life would be less richer without her and that she means the world to me.
Something in the atmosphere changes when you share your happiness, let the peace in you flood some one's heart. Just a hug would do the magic at times.
Contentment is how you let the life you live fill you with peace and happiness. Letting only the positives count, while not making too much of the negatives. There is a tomorrow.. Life awaits you... but let today be filled with contentment!

Relax slow down

Relax, slow down - sofspics

Relax, slow down, I often have to remind myself. Being in hurry causes you to stress out. You really do not enjoy what you are doing. You could gloss over and miss the finer details. Well, you could just be in a hurry and miss out on life.
Sometimes we take up so much on ourselves that the very thing we love becomes a drudgery. We are just going through the motions of living without actually savoring it. A poem that I learned at the age of 7 comes to my mind, it is called Leisure by William Henry Davie
“What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?”
Somehow these lines have been ingrained in my mind. It is true that this life we lead has no meaning if when we barely live it. Our worries and concern about the tomorrows, robs us of our today’s.
If we cannot enjoy the now, what is the guarantee that we will enjoy our tomorrows? Take time to relax, let your hair down. Let the simple things of life fill you with peace. Let the little things of life make your day.
Recently, I received a lovely piece of jewellery as a gift, it was an anniversary gift from my husband. Somehow these gifts have lost their significance for me. I am showered with such things often.. but it was the time we spent together, walking around the lake, speaking about our desires and things close to our heart that made my day.
We decided that we needed to slow down, to relax and for the first time in years we were by ourselves having fun. Somehow I believe it is moments like these by the lake that will become landmarks of happiness in my memory.
If you are rushing through life, take time to relax, slow down and make time to enjoy the little things of life.
Have a great day!