"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing, that's why we recommend it daily." - ZigZiglar

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Coping with Loneliness

Loneliness - sofspics
Loneliness is a state of mind before it becomes a state of being. You could be in the midst of a crowd and feel like you are the only person on the face of the Earth.

Loneliness could be the result of feeling left out, rejected or unwanted. It could be the result of finding that you do not fit into the group or part of society that you are associated with. Most people find that aging does this to them, they feel that the younger generation no longer wants them and they have nothing useful to offer or receive from their own children or grandchildren.

Whatever maybe the cause of your loneliness, you need to understand that you a social being and you need (a) companion/s. Being connected is the essence of being human. Emotionally cutting yourself away believing that you are not wanted only adds to your misery.

I am not too much of a crowd person. I am a great communicator when I am in a face to face interaction. A group of four or five is fine with me, but when the numbers become large I cut myself away, to be alone. This is a choice I make, to be alone, this is not necessarily loneliness. I enjoy my time, doing what I please when I am alone. Being alone, allows me to enjoy my 'me time', to work without interruption and to be able to concentrate fully. This, I would never consider loneliness.

However, if I feel that I am left-out or unwanted, it may inject a feeling of loneliness into my psyche, which is why I said, "Loneliness is a state of mind before it becomes a state of being."

Loneliness Quotes
At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self. Brendan Francis

The whole problem of life, then, is this: how to break out of one's own loneliness, how to communicate with others.  Cesare Pavese

Friendship needs no words - it is solitude delivered from the anguish of loneliness. Dag Hammarskjold

Feeling loneliness is a choice.

You need to let go of that feeling that no one wants you, or you are not part of the community or social circle that you are in. You need to make the effort to be useful and active in the community you live in.

I visit an elderly lady who lives all by herself often. We spend a hour a fortnight together. She comes through as fun loving and acceptable company, yet she lives like a recluse. She does not know her neighbors, she has no friends (I visit her because I was told that she is lonely) She has children and family living in the city but, they don't visit her. Why? She has cut herself away from the very people she loves, believing that they do not need her anymore.

It just takes a little more effort on your part to make yourself more approachable, a smile would do the job well at times.

An active pet could engage your time never allowing you to feel lonely. Looking after others or pets could keep your mind off you, self-pity is your enemy.

Hobbies and interest could keep you engaged meaningfully. Another elderly lady whom I visit often is a great friend of mine. She is arthritic, her hands are slightly deformed by the disease. She however, is constantly engaged in painting, crafts, teaching others, helping and counselling others, cooking etc., She is a joy to be with.

Get involved in some community activity or social service activity.

Go out of your way to help others... you will have no time to do your own work; let alone feeling lonely.

Keep your mind away from how you feel and on what you are doing... this will help you avoid those old painful feelings and move into a new and exciting realm of meaningful social interactions.

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