Obsessing Over Something or Someone

Obsession with Something or Someone

Several times this last month I have been approached for help by people struggling to deal with obsession of some sort or the other. Obsession even if it is not considered a morbid condition could become a nerve-wracking experience. It could completely throw life off balance and get people into serious trouble. Your mind runs off down a rabbit hole, leaving the rest of your life at standstill. It is overwhelming in nature as it consumes all your time and energy.  The worst side of obsession is that it could grow even worse when the object of the obsession is suddenly withdrawn/taken away.  A little obsession can be good, if directly rightly. It could drive career growth or help people achieve their goals effortlessly. Having said that, the very word obsession indicates imbalance. To put it simply, obsession is trying to grip something so hard that you squeeze the life blood out of it, either way the you suffers loss.

Obsession is an addiction, it is intoxicating and overwhelming at first.  It seemingly provides some sort of relief when one indulges in it, however it is a deep ravine that is difficult to get out of over a period of time. It is tempting to give in to the obsession despite knowing that it is irrational behavior.  

It drains out so much of your time. Obsessions preoccupy the mind and make it impossible to get the mind off it. Consequently it leaches out so much of one’s valuable time which could be devoted to constructive and meaningful pursuits.

It makes a person lose focus on what is important. The individual tends to fail dismally in his or her ability to prioritize needs and wants in life,  which essentially means that the person’s life could be in complete disarray.

Much of the time spent in a day is wasted unproductively on the thing they obsess about. The person’s obsession takes up all the energy, as he/she may be checking on stuff or worrying over them repeatedly even when he/she knows that nothing much changes in the short time. 

Obsession leads to unwanted stress. The mind is constantly engaged in making sense of a situation or solving a stressful problem or perceived threats. Sometimes this kind of over rumination leads to second guessing, assuming or imagining things that may or may not happen.

Obsession with stuff or people is likely to emotionally unbalance the person.  Severe mood swings, getting annoyed or frustrated easily, sometimes even being abusive could be the result of this emotional imbalance. It is also possible that the person’s excessive indulgence in negative thoughts and ruminations could lead to a certain amount of paranoia.

Obsession could impair judgment and cause individuals to take uncalled for risks, making them do things totally out of character.  This could make life difficult for them and others concerned.

It saps people out physically and reducing their immunity which could in turn give rise to causes other medical complications like hypertension, morbid anxiety, heartburn and ulcers to name a few. Food obsessions could lead to other forms of physiological problems like obesity, high blood sugar levels etc.,

If the obsession is with a person then it could turn to hate and violence if the object of the obsession does not to respond positively to the person’s overtures. This extreme preoccupation with someone could also backfire in that, the object of their interest could start feeling stifled and move away from the person.

 It’s important to break away from any extreme form of attachment or preoccupations in the light of one’s mental and physical health. It would be good to stand back and take a good look at your life, count the cost, refocus on what is important. To wean yourself away from the obsession it would help to, stop looking/indulging in those things that take your focus back to your obsession, refuse to constantly speak about it or mentally engage in those thoughts. Take a break, give your mind rest and you will be able to think clearly and rationally.

Living life happily

How you weigh your life

Blogging seems have taken a back seat in my life as my other priorities have taken over.  Its seems life acquires a balance of its own without us having to do much. Times and interests change as we grow and change as people. Taking each day as it comes makes living life happily as easy as pie.

Although blogging has been put on the back burner life itself has been bubbling with fun, love and happiness. New hobbies (or in my case those that had been shelved for lack of resources) have now come to the fore and have acquired a new life of their own. Perspectives in life change as interests change too. Life is even more colorful than before. 

One thing I have learned about life  is you never measure your life by your achievements but by your happiness. I can confidently say that I could easily score a 9 (or maybe a bit more) out of 10 if I had to evaluate life this way. Life is not about what you have or what you have not .. its about how you use what is. What you have is this moment.

Life is not about position, status, money or seeking thrills; its about finding your balance in the sequence of things and swinging along joyfully despite the blowing winds. Life is about giving the best of what you have to those around you. Life is about being happy no matter what. 

Happiness lies not in the finest of things, but in living the moment with openness of mind.  I have no desire to seek adventures or thrills in my life, each day with its promises and unknown threats have enough of it for me to make it an adventure. When I live each moment of my life happily it is an adventure in itself. It is a day well lived. 

Life is simple when we know the purpose of living. Finding the purpose of life makes the journey worth the experience. Oftentimes the purpose is really simple, but we as people seek complicated answers, the plain truth before us seems too obvious and ordinary to be the purpose of life.

Life is to be lived. Running after things, people, position etc.,only takes you further away from the act of living. People oftentimes get so engrossed with the drama of  living that they forget that the drama is just a stage performance for a short while, real living happens behind the scenes. Cutting out the drama and living simple to me embodies perfect living. If you didn't get what I mean live isn't what people post on Facebook, thankfully I hardly go there. 

Life provides its own drama and tragedies without us having to run after them. Living is simply the ability to process these high tensions scenes, keep sight of the mundane and being able to walk normally with focus on living. This ensures that peace and joy remain constantly in our lives no matter what is happening at the moment. 

How do I live life happily?  I would say - its sane, almost perfect in this imperfect world. My eyes are focused steadily on each moment as it happens and my mind is focused on living it the best I can. 

Do you live life happily? 

You don’t need chaos to appreciate peace

You don't need chaos to appreciate peace sofspics

Most people don’t seem to appreciate the comforting peace of everyday life until everything goes terribly wrong. We take the steady rhythm of life for granted, never stopping to appreciate the people and things around us. Most of us seem to believe that life owes us something. The painful truth is that life owes us nothing; it is left to us to make the most of what we have.

Learning to be grateful is an important step to being at peace with oneself. Gratitude fills you an appetite for life and all that it has to offer. You approach life with no demands and grab what you get with a grateful heart. You learn to enjoy and treasure the simple things of life.

Training your mind to see the positive side of life and people could make each minute of life more meaningful. It helps you shut your mind to all kinds of negativity and allows you to look at the infinite possibilities life has to offer.

Being grateful and positive helps you appreciate the present as it is and to live in the now taking in everything around you with an open mind. It makes it easy for you to enjoy the normal ebb and flow of life and the pulsating moments of life with the same fervor. You even learn to appreciate the troubles of life and the learning possibilities that each of these events bring in their wings.

The mundane routines and chores which now seem tedious could be the heaven you seek when things turn chaotic. What you perceive now as boredom could then become the life you yearn for at a time of trouble. Why wait until you go through difficulties to appreciate what you have now. Make each day and each chore meaningful with the way you perceive it. Change the way you look at your life right now. I am reminded of the story of a woman who thought that her life of serving her husband and her children was a mundane and cursed existence until a terrible tragedy claimed the lives of husband and children one day. Her only desire then was to serve her dead children and husband for a just day.

Life is what you make it. Choose to enjoy the peace that you have right now and make the best of life. You have just one life, it is the ‘now’ that you can call your own, make this day, this minute meaningful.

Make the journey your goal

Make the Journey your Goal

Goals are important, but so is the journey. We often make too much of the goals and disregard the importance of enjoying the journey itself. I believe that the goal of life is living life to its fullness. Other goals aren't really very significant, they are just rewards that on route to living a full life. Goals aren't destinations; they are just trophies and symbols of life which are often confused with success.

Since the journey is the major part of your life it is imperative that you live each moment. When you do not

enjoy your journey in the present, there is no assurance that you would enjoy your life after the achievement of your goals. Often one goal follows another and life becomes a rat race. Take time to enjoy what you do and what you have while you stride determinedly towards enjoying life.

Happiness is not about getting what you don’t have, it is about enjoying who you are and what you have. Make the journey a discovery and an adventure that you enjoy. It is left to each individuals imagination and creativity to make the most of what he/she has.

The journey is the exploration and experimentation part of life, from which you learn life skills. Having the right attitude towards learning and making learning a fun experience for yourself could make any journey worth more than the goals themselves.

Although it is good to have a purpose and direction in life, achieving your goals should not become your focus. The sad truth about a goal driven life is that we as adults have learned to connect goals to success or failure. Learning is a process of growth, there is no such thing as success or failure in learning. While some concepts are easily learned, it cost us more time and effort to get around others. It is about dedication, attitude and focus.

If you could learn to rewire your brain into believing that goals aren't as important as the journey itself, you could save yourself a lot of worry, anxiety, pain and regrets. It would then be easy to focus on enjoying each day and living your best life. 

I wish all my readers a very Happy, Healthy and Blessed  New Year!

One Step at a Time can Change your Life

 “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” ~ Lao Tzu  

One Step at a time can change your life.  You don’t believe me? Try it. No matter what your problem is you can change the way you live by starting with one step at a time.

I have been working on some important projects and I unconsciously decided that it gave me the license to leave things as they are. This meant that my desk was full of clutter and so was my dump yard (the store room). The more I looked at it the more difficult it was to find time to clean up. Each time I thought of cleaning up arose my next thought would be, ‘this would take me hours I cannot afford to spend that kind of time right now.’ Nothing happened, except that dust and stuff piled up on my desk.

Then one morning I could bear the sight of the clutter anymore and I decided that I would give the clutter a few minutes of my time before I began work for that day. Guess what? My few minutes turned to an hour and my desk was clean. I decided that I would give a few minutes each day to whatever needed my attention. I should say that life isn't the same anymore. So much stuff has been cleared up and I am back to my saner, clutter free world.

This works with anything. I started on a raw diet, one item on my meal at a time. I have progressed to 75% raw vegetarian diet in the course of a year.

I have this habit of getting glued to my work desk throughout the day. I decided to walk a few steps at a time. Initially it was difficult to break my old habits. I would tell myself I’ll do this later, now, I’ll finish this article or this blog post.

However, once I got started on it my five minute walk progressed to an hour long walk. Now, I have built in hours of walk into my daily routine. When you do something in small manageable parts that doesn't seem overwhelming, you can change your life one step at a time.

Start small and keep at it until the thrill of success drives you to do reach your goals. 

If you found this post useful share the link today with someone who could use some help. Thank you. 

10 Ways to Stay Positive in Life

To stay positive is a matter of choice and habit. Here are ten simple ways to stay positive in life. These  tips are simple, easy to follow and could help you change the way you think, if you would put them to practice. If I could become positive you certainly can; don’t give up or give in.

Stay Positive - sofspics

1. Make a list of people/things you are grateful for; add five or more new things to your to gratitude list each day. Be sure to add at least one positive thing about your

•  spouse/partner 
•  kids/home
•  job
•  Friends
•  health each day

2. Stop whining and complaining about the people/things that are not right in your life, find ways to set them right. Whining or even hanging out with friends who complain can pull you  down and make you want to join the bandwagon of complainers. 

3. Believe in yourself. If you don't who will. Understand yourself better, know where your thoughts are coming from, tweak them and make sure they fall in line with who you are. Learn to appreciate yourself.

4. Be yourself. Give your best to all that you do and let the results be. Remaining faithful to self is being able to appreciate the individual you are and your uniqueness.  

5. Don’t let people get to you. Take charge of your emotions. When you are not in control of your emotions you allow people to press your buttons.. You become a puppet in the hands of others and you blast off when they chose to make you angry or you fall flat when the put you down.  

6. Don’t wait for others to befriend you, go out of your way to smile and compliment others around you. Find friends who inspire you and are positive in their approach.

7. Don’t wait for people to make you happy. Find your own happiness, that doesn't mean shop till you drop. That means find things that bring you long lasting happiness and work towards them.

8. Reach out to others who are less fortunate than you. I can confidently say this is the most fulfilling thing in my life.

9. Surround yourself with positive people.

10. Simplify your life. Avoid clutter and wastefulness.

The self absorbed life

I think I am growing old or I am terribly old fashioned. When I look around I see a whole new breed of mankind, a self absorbed and self indulgent race. I am sure that I would feel totally out of place here, if not for my attitude not to see or dwell upon the negative things of life. Self indulgence maybe okay to an extent, but when people cannot think or see beyond themselves, it tells me that something is wrong with the world.

'It's all about me' - this is the attitude of  a self absorbed person, everything that happens around him/her is all about him/her. It speaks of shallowness of the soul which cannot grow to accommodate others into the weave, weft  and warp of the fabric called life. This makes the person hard to relate to and  difficult to have a conversation with. Most conversations end up being  one-way lanes which can be best labelled as self absorbed ramblings seeking to grab the lime light / attention of the other.

Every interaction seem to be weighed on just one factor - 'what is in it for me?'.  In their preoccupation they seem to believe that they are entitled to get anything they want at the cost of others. They demand attention expecting people to drop what ever they are doing and to listen to them or come to their aid. The lack of consideration and concern for others shines through it all. Envy and insecurity seem to be their hallmark often disguised beneath a veil of confidence. This is a sad life indeed.

Making use of others for my personal gain would not even merit my consideration, yet the world around me today seems like a microcosm of coexistent parasites. This makes trusting another person difficult. This also makes human relationships very complex and very mathematical by nature. I am poor at math skills... perhaps that is why I am unable to reduce relationships to a such equations.

I am glad to have learned values that were different. I am glad to have been born in a different time and age when it was important to consider the priorities of others before you thrust yourself on them. Life then was all about putting others before self. Helping others and being courteous were considered virtues worth cultivation. There was this sense of community and unity then. Today, I would love to know my neighbor, but he is too busy to stop and smile or say hello. He even goes one step further, to duck behind the blinds to avoid everyone.

This seems to me like a claustrophobic world which is just wide enough for one person. There is a growing fear, a paranoia around us. People are interested in what they can get from others while living in fear of being asked for favors. Widening your world to include others may have its difficulties, but it certainly makes your world more colourful, rich in experiences and filled with varied flavours. It makes the milk of human compassion flow through you, making you whole as a person. It opens your eyes to the plight of others making your pain and difficulties pain pale into insignificance. It teaches you to give, receive, live in hope and reach out to others. It adds more dimensions to life. It gives reality to existence. It brings you to the realization that there is more joy in giving than in taking/grabbing.

Maybe be its time we changed and went back to the roots of community living. Life is worth living only when you live with a purpose, when it grows out of the self absorbed existence. This may not be acceptable to many but this is what self improvement is all about.

Fake it and you won't make it

Self-improvement  - don't fake it

Fake it and you'll make it has been the self-improvement mantra for years now. I don't agree on this one.. I believe if you fake it you'll be found out. Instead make a sincere effort at self- improvement.

When there is a disconnect between your emotions and thought; your actions seem strange and alien even to your eyes. When you look at yourself as a stranger and need to take a second glance to make sure that the person in the mirror is you.. be sure the people around your would be even more critical of you. They are watching you at your new game under their magnifying glasses.

Okay, I hear your question loud and clear - How do I change myself?
Be true to yourself. Don't fake a behavior, instead make a sincere attempt to learn the new one. Your attitude is the difference.

When you fake something you lie to yourself, when you learn something you are honest about your lack of knowledge in that area.

Admit to your friends that you are trying to change yourself. You will find unexpected support coming from their side.

Tell yourself it is okay to fail. It takes the stress off you and you learn in an relaxed environment. It has been known that when learning takes place in a relaxed environment, learning is effective.

Self-improvement is not about faking, it is about making it in life. Faking it is adding stress to your already stressed life. For eg. if I have to fake happiness (thank heavens I never have to do that) I might find my face hurting with all those fake smiles. I would be stressed out emotionally, as it is not my nature to smile at those things that make me angry. I would possibly be at my breaking point and would be ready to pounce on some unsuspecting person.

Mentally, I working doubly hard as it have to remember that I need to fake a smile, be on my alert all the time and smile and bear it all when I would have been happily swearing at everyone.

Start with a self affirmation like I have the power to change.

Add a couple of affirmation about the specif change that you are aiming to make. Eg. I choose to be happy. I have control over my emotions.

This is very honest and acceptable affirmation. Your mind, emotions and actions can now work together in harmony.

There is no disconnect between your perception and action. The change will be smooth and transition won't hurt you too much.

Here is the new mantra - Take it from where you are and you'll make it!

Inspiration for life

Inspiration for life

Without inspiration the best powers of the mind remain dormant. There is a fuel in us which needs to be ignited with sparks.- Johann Gottfried Von Herder.

Often times in life we need inspiration to hang on to our goals/dreams and achieve them despite the events of life. My dreams came to a  standstill a few months ago when life took strange twists and turns... Loss and death had overwhelmed me. I couldn't bring myself to write another word. I took a break and waited for my inspiration. It never did come.

Now, at the beginning of this New year I needed  inspiration more than anything else. I searched for my inspiration all around and realized that I am my inspiration. My mind is powerful and needs just a gentle reminder to spark a fire. 

I had taken a little holiday, a holiday in a jungle. As we drove through the forest I noticed a huge forest fire... our guide explained, "Forest fires are common on hot days, a gentle breeze is enough to start one", he said. Being unsure about what he meant, I looked up to him for further explanation, he added, "the rubbing of dried bamboo in a clump against each other often starts a little fire, which spreads."

Those words kept ringing in my ears long after I left the jungle. I need a forest fire to get me started I thought, then I remembered that all I needed was a gentle breeze. 

I remembered the story of a woman called Rose, who attended a university at 87. It was the dream of her life to get herself a college education. She did not give up even at 87. She said in a speech she made.. " We do not make a living with what we get, we make a life with what we give."

This thought has inspired me to move on. I will write, for that is my dream. I will write until I reach my destination. The gentle breeze is blowing and I will inspire myself to reach for the stars. I will give all it takes to make this life more beautiful than ever. The past is forgotten, I will sail on wings like eagles. My mind will soar to greater heights, I will not let these things of the past hold me any longer. 

The sky is clear, a gentle breeze is blowing, winged words shall take flight and weave their magic in words. I shall not hold them back any longer. I shall find my inspiration. I am determined.

If you have been struggling like me, held back by circumstances, let your imagination take flight, draw your inspiration from your dreams and move on. Live the life that you have always dreamed of. Let no one come in your path. Remember, bad things happen to the best of us.. but they need not bring our life to a standstill.

Ignite your imagination, don't wait for the opportune moment, it may never come. The moment is now and here, so make it yours. I needed to remind myself of this, over and over again..no matter what happens your goals are only lost when you give up on them. 

My dream, my goals will see a new thrust. They will once again take flight, undeterred by the happenings around. I will see my book, my words in print sooner than I thought. I am determined, I am motivated and  I am inspired.

A small fire has begun, soon it will become a forest fire, fire not of destruction, but of new life and inspiration. 

I hope this year will be a year of great inspiration and achievement for you. Aim for the stars and you shall float in the space of your inspiration, until you reach your destination, and find your dreams.   

Wishing you all a year of accomplishment and joy, health and contentment, love and laughter. 

Facing Life

Facing Life - wikimedia commons

Everyone who is alive may not be exactly facing life. To face life you need to stand up boldly and face the adversities and challenges that face you everyday. The pain that life brings is one of the greatest fear that people would love to avoid. What if I am hurt? So what?

Where you not hurt when you started to ride your bicycle or when you learned to take your first steps?

Do you like pain? I do not like pain. However, I personally deal with it in different ways.

 How I Deal With Pain ?

Oftentimes I refuse to acknowledge it.
I go about my business as if it did not exist.
I give it no credit for the things it does to my life, instead I focus on what I can do to make my life better despite the pain.
I credit myself with success when I can achieve what I want to despite the pain, be it physical or mental.

I wanted to share with you a story of pain. (This is my creative piece there may be flaws in it but this is just an illustration)

A sculptor once found a huge rock on one of his long walks. He kicked it and left pain cruising through his leg. He gave the rock a second look, he was interested in what he saw. He saw in it the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. He chipped away at the rock. He was at it day and night and wouldn't let go until he found her.

The rock was in pain, terrible pain, more pain than when it was kicked at.
It thought that it had lost its form and beauty and had nothing of value in it anymore. It was depressed. (if any rock could get depressed)

It got to a point where it did not care what happened to it anymore. It resigned itself to its fate until a man came along and adoringly touched it. He looked with admiration at the rock like none had ever seen it before.

The rock was pleasantly surprised.
Then they were groups of people who came to see it. There were cameras all around it. Lights exploded in its face. There were million bidding to buy it, but the sculptor would never part with it. He was madly in love with his creation.

The pain it had endured had made the ordinary rock become a thing of artistic value and intrinsic beauty.
The chisel and the hammer had now become its allies.

Consider these points -

• Pain often brings out the best in us.
• Of course, no one likes pain, we all want to avoid it.
• Avoiding pain does not change anything about us.
• Acknowledging pain and facing life causes us to become better people. 
• To acknowledge pain one need not wail and mourn. You know it is there, so focus on what makes you hurt less and achieve more.
• Life is ridden with difficulties, you cannot run away from pain each time, you might end up running away from life. 
• Stand up and face life today!

Balance of Life

Balance of life - sofspics

Life is delicately balanced. Disturbing the the balance of life could cause a break down in some areas of your life. Life is like a tight rope walk, we need to bring into it action, vigilance, artistry, color and thrill. But, I believe most importantly we need to keep our eyes on what we do and say. If we take the things/people for granted we could break the delicate balance of life. A simple word, a small deed could throw our life out of balance and into great turmoil. Although we may not have complete control over our lives, we have control over what we say and do. We chose the way our life changes, at least most of the time.
In a close relationship you could say and do almost anything and get away with it, but when you touch the core of a person's being and hurt it, you are in for trouble. You have just lost what you have worked for years to build. I have had the chance to experience this a few times in my life. A friend said just one word and I have never been able to bring myself to continue that relationship in the same way as before. She has said meaner things in jest and so have I, but when she touched the things that matter so much to me, something in me broke away.
I wonder if we could ever build it back, even though time has passed and apologies rendered. I could not find it in my heart to trust and restore her to the same level of closeness anymore, try as I might. Relationships are delicately balanced and we really need to understand and approach people with this in mind.
Wrong moves often cost us the things that are so important to us. Thoughtless words and actions could destroy the very essence of our lives. The troubles we bring upon us by disturbing this delicate balance of life could be so profound. It may not mean the end of life, but it could leave a scar and in someways impact our psyche permanently in a negative way. We could always learn from our mistakes. We could avoid hurting ourselves and others by being more sensitive.
It may not always be possible to right the wrong, but we could possibly learn to appreciate and enjoy the delicate balance of life as it presents itself to us. Because, in that delicate balance lies the beauty of life.

How do you find yourself - Finding yourself

Finding yourself - sofspics

One of life's most arduous quests is the process of finding yourself. We are often quick to figure others out or at least we think so. With a little bit of experience, knowledge and objectivity you could figure what makes most people tick, but this may not be so when it is about yourself. Most people don't know the real person within. They are so caught up in the games they play, perhaps to get ahead in life or to achieve their goals, that their real self gets lost in the facade that they have built for the world to see. The sad part is that after a while they start believing in the lie that they live.
I believe that the inner core - the real you is your values, beliefs and all those things that are important to you. Your family, your spouse and all that has been close to your heart which you may have lost sight of in your scramble for success could be an important part of the real you.

How to find yourself?

You are not your goals or the things that you run after. You are not even your thoughts or desires. You may be all those things that you really do not want others to see in you and judge you for. You may be loving, kind, truthful etc., which you may hide from the world as the world does not consider these as the qualities of a winner. You maybe all those beliefs that you have held close to your heart, but don’t want others to know about. You may need to be discovered.

How do you find the real you?
Peel away the layers of pretenses that you have carefully cloaked yourself with for the sake of the world. I know a lady who is kind-hearted and loving, but she is often rude and arrogant. People wonder how I can even have anything in common with this woman. It is the glimpses of her that I see from time to time that helps me put up with her arrogance. She needs to protect herself from being hurt, so she hurts. That is her belief.
Impressionable and open people often use the guise of knowledge, logic and agnostic beliefs just to appear strong and invincible. They are so caught up in protecting themselves that they forget that is okay to be weak.
Introspection. Ask yourself questions. Spend time contemplating why you think and act the way you do. Be ready to listen to the strange voices that may throw up surprising answers at you. Do not push them aside - write them down and make time to consider the truth of those thoughts. Delve deep.
Solitude. Solitude is your companion to finding yourself. If you could spend time with yourself, thinking about you, ruthlessly seeking after the truth, asking those questions and figuring out the answers to them, it will not be long before you find yourself.
Journal - write your thoughts without editing them. Don't judge yourself on them, you could change your life in the right direction, but true awareness is a must. I often sit at the computer and type the random thoughts that run through my mind.. never censoring them. I do this especially when my mind is not seriously engaged in some writing or when I have to deal with some strong emotions/problems. I am  at times surprised by the real me.
Write down your deepest desires and thoughts about yourself. This will help you get you an idea of who you are, your aspirations for the person you want to be.. and where you are at the moment. This is not about your goals and ambitions, this needs to be about the person - you.
Ask your friends about your flaws. If they are your friends they will discuss them frankly with you. If you have had a problem accepting negative reviews in the past they may want to avoid the question. Make it clear to them that you are taking an inventory of yourself and you want the truth - you will get the truth. Do not come up with excuses or dialogues about being misunderstood. Take it all, mull it over when you are calm and you may find elements of truth in them. This is how the world sees you. It also gives you an idea of how to find yourself.
Your critics may often speak the truth, but in a harsh way. Take what is needed and don't worry about the rest.
Look beyond yourself, serve others. You may discover many things about you that you had no inkling of. Help others at every opportunity, listen to their troubles. Mentor someone, do someone a good turn. It helps you understand what life is all about and helps you to find yourself in the process.
You may even like the real you within you!

The truth of who you are - stress and reaction quotes

The truth of who you are is seen when you are in a place of pressure... My guru used to say if you press a tube of toothpaste,  only toothpaste will come out of it..even if you exert double the amount of pressure, it will only be toothpaste that splatters out. When humans are under pressure the real mettle in them comes out... I am glad that through all these months of pressure building in my life I have only spoken well, kindly and thoughtfully... I am glad to have learned these lessons in life... and happy to share them with you. If you find yourself speaking words which you may regret here are some quotes which you may want to consider... 

Quotes on stress and reaction to stress

‎"He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger." ~Japanese proverb

"Stress is not what happens to us. It's our response to what happens. And response is something we can choose." ~  Maureen Killoran 
‎‎"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."~Mary Engelbreit 

"The life of inner peace, being harmonious and without stress, is the easiest type of existence." ~  Norman Vincent Peale 

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another." ~  William James 

‎"Life is not a matter of having good cards, but of playing a poor hand well." ~ Robert Louis Stevenson "Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience." ~ Victoria Holt

When life calls you

Life has been one roller coaster the last couple of months for me... It has been a period of unprecedented pain and misery. I am just glad to be alive and writing this with a sane mind. Loss has been compounded by more personal losses. Life has happened in ways un-thought of.. or should I say deaths. My mom passed on from this world a couple of days ago, she was with me until the last days, she just left me a few days before she could face death. Devastated as I am I have learned one lesson through all this, there is more to life than was is seen on the periphery. You may have no control over what happens, but you have perfect control over yourself. You are the designer of your own destiny. Pain, loss, troubles and misery may fall upon you, but you are just a decision away from living life on your own terms. Fear and worry have no foothold on you if you do not let them in. Nothing can change your destiny but you.
The strength that is there within can only be tested at times like these. Benumbed by pain, devastated by life you know not only yourself, but those who stand by you, those who will remain with you always.
I have much to thank my husband for. He is indeed the strength of my life. My children who have stood with me in pain, my friends with their unending support, my God who is above all things.
What more do you I need in life than such love? I stand in awe, thankful and truly humbled in my heart. My debt seems to be ever rising. I hope I will someday repay it with love.
I can only say joy and grief bring balance and harmony to life...

“Hearts united in pain and sorrow will not be separated by joy and happiness. Bonds that are woven in sadness are stronger than the ties of joy and pleasure. Love that is washed by tears will remain eternally pure and faithful.” ~ Khalil Gibran

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? ~ Khalil Gibran

And when the storm comes, and the mighty wind shakes the forest, and thunder and lightning proclaim the majesty of the sky, - then let your heart say in awe, "God moves in passion."  ~ Khalil Gibran 

And since you are a breath In God's sphere, and a leaf in God's forest, you too should rest in reason and move in passion. ~ Khalil Gibran

"The dance of life finds its beginnings in grief......Here a completely new way of living is revealed. It is the way in which pain can be embraced, not out of a desire to suffer, but in the knowledge that something new will be born in the pain."~ Henry Nouwen

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. ~ Khalil Gibran

Simple Pleasures of Life

Simple pleasures - sofspics

I seek the ordinary, the simple pleasures of life. It does not take too much to make me happy. A parakeet on a tree, a lovely rose, a meadow of pink flowers, a little baby goat or a pup are enough to make me happy. Happiness is the expression of the innate appreciation of the life you live and those things around you. A smile that lights up a face is a thing of joy, for me there can be no better sight, especially a smile on a child's face. The understanding words from a friend, a simple gesture of love is enough to make my day. These little things that cannot be bought, they are priceless. To feel the love of someone in your life is precious. These are the things that become the treasured moments of life. Simple, pure and lovely. Life is made of such things.
An unexpected gift, especially an act of love could overwhelm me with joy. Life has its moments of pain, recently I lost my cousin to a heart attack, I was in shock. The precious but fragile nature of life once again left a lasting impact on me. I am determined to make the best of this life and embrace what I have to the best of my ability.
I refuse to let anger, bitterness, jealousy or pain interfere with my life. Being able to determine your mood is entirely in your hands. Your thoughts, words, actions and non-action determine your life. You are the master of your life, you are responsible for everything as it stands in your life. No one else has the power to determine those things of your life for you except you.
Learning to enjoy the small things of life has made my life so much richer. I was standing near a monument and watching it awestruck without realizing that my husband took a picture of my open mouth amazement... a priceless picture. I do not ever want to lose the wonder of what life has in store for me, the day I lose it life will surely become a drudgery for me. To dance in the rain, to watch the rain drops drip off the leaves and flowers will always have the same sense of beauty and wonder for me. I prefer to let these moments of beauty and joy wash over me than wallow in the pain that life has to offer. My cup overflows with blessing, so why should I dwell on the few wounds that afflicted me. Take time to savor the simple pleasures of life. Smile, laugh, cry and smile again... the best is yet to come.

Follow your Heart for a Better Life

Follow your heart - sofspics

If there is one quote that could change the way you live life and help you live a better life, I think it could be this one from Steve Jobs. 

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment of failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." - Steve Jobs.

Honestly speaking this man discovered a greater treasure than all his wealth put together, it would be his understanding of the purpose of life. It is in the face of death that you discover the greatest truths about living. 

When you are exposed and there is nowhere to hide, it is easy to do the things that you ought to have been doing - Following your heart.

Ultimately, you have to face yourself, your achievements, your accolades your worldly treasures will not come to your aid in those final moments, when you stare truth in the face. Maybe your regrets and all that you could have done will come before you in a long procession, looking askance at you. 

Follow your heart, make each moment count, give yourself the freedom to follow your heart. 

Take time to relax, to smile, to let peace fill your heart, to laugh from your heart. As the saying goes - Take time to smell the roses. 

Life brings with it responsibilities and needs, but none of them are greater than the dreams placed in your heart. Live without regrets.

Make the right choices, don't wish to undo the past. Your time is now. The minute that has just gone by is lost forever, there is very little you can change about it.

As  for me, my greatest wish would be, that I have loved all, forgiven all, made a difference in someone's life and lived each moment happily. 

Maybe not everyone will love you back, or forgive you, or even accept you for who you are, but it wouldn't really matter as long as I have given it my best shot. I will move on in peace. 

What about you? Have you thought about this? Follow your heart!

No Not Yet

No,not yet! - sofpics

No, not yet! I love these words. This is such a positive way of saying a negative fact. Have you reached your goals? No, not yet! Have you completed the task? No, not yet! There is so much hope in these words. There is a continuity of action that can be anticipated. There is hope yet.

My guru often reprimanded me when I used the word "No" in answer to his questions. His teaching were often in the form of questions. He would ask something like - have you read that part of scripture that I had asked you to.. and if I had to answer in the negative, he would roll up his eyes and look at me as if to say.. woman will you ever learn. It has been years since since I sat at his feet listening to his voice.. but his words are alive in me.. they speak to me in every situation. He would often tell me that there is a finality about that word, 'No' He told me that he did not like the sound of it.

I have learned my lesson. Now, I prefer to say, No, not yet!
The time between the contemplation and the completion is bridged by the present. What happens in the later part often depends on what you are doing now. When I say 'not yet', I means I am actively pursuing the thing that you are asking about. That also means I am on the way to my goals, my dreams maybe delayed, not destroyed, no, not until I believe they are. The moment I believe that I have not reached my goals, I have already failed. My thoughts become the precursor of the things to come. I have already given up, my mind lets go, my body obeys the command of my mind. 
Never say never. Never let go, are two things I live by. I believe and so I hold on to these two principles. They fire my motivation and my determination. No matter what happens I will achieve my goals, this becomes my motto. They define the way I live. They suddenly give me a purpose and propel me in the direction of my dreams... What happen or doesn't is a matter of coincidence. I am responsible for my actions and my destination. I believe in myself.
The word yet... adds so much more meaning to the word 'no'. When you say 'yet' you tend to negate what you said before that.. I have fallen, yet I rise again... says so much about your attitude.
No, not yet.. I am not yet ready to pack my bags and go... I fight the fight of faith... and nothing can stand in my way. As I give expressions to my thoughts my direction and destination come into a clear light.

No, not yet... There is promise of the things to come. Don't give up just because people around you have no faith. Believe.. The scripture says.. All things are possible for him who believes... And why not?

How to Be Positive

How to be positive- sofspics

It is ironical that I write this post when life seems to be serving me aces. I don’t even know how to tackle them, but I know one thing - How to be positive.
I can be positive in the face of anything and this is what I have discovered through all this. Isn't that wonderful?
I lost a friend of mine recently to cancer, a dear relative and friend of mine to heart attack and some upheavals in life, I am torn and miserable inside. Yet, I can see the other side of this pain. My resilience has been my greatest strength. Mind you, like you, pain and sorrow pull me down but, I do believe that there is more to life and that the best is yet to come.
My positivism has been my stronghold, my courage and what defines me as a person.
While I have been through all this, my emotions have been chaotic, but the fact that I have learned to be positive, keeps them in check.
I have learned that I am not fragile, but behind the gentleness, I have developed nerves of steel.
I have held the hand of my dying friend, looked into her eyes, I have seen that there is nothing to fear. Fear does not hold me captive anymore, I was there once.- the death of my father had plunged me into fear of death and fear of the unknown.
How did I learn to be positive? It was a tough journey, I have had to change the my thoughts, their pathways, I have had to be constantly vigilant of what I let into my mind.
It was a hard lesson, but worth the learning.
My first principle is - Believe.
Believe that if life hands you lemons - it is summer and it's time to sip lemonade on the beach!
LOL! Whoever thought lemons were bad? I love lemonade. It is an awesome drink. Iced lemonade, on a summer day? Unsurpassable!
The flavor that lemons provide to my salads and curries - exotic and special.
What I mean here is this - learn to look at the positive side of everything. I believe that life is a book of learning. To the willing, it opens itself to provide wisdom and experience. What have you learned from your personal tragedies?
I have learned not to complain. Complaining makes you weak. It tells you that you are powerless. On the other hand working to make things right and positive action keep your focus and emotions balanced.
I refuse to let others have power over me. If they pro
I am in control of how I think and feel, almost always.
‘Hope’ is a wonderful word. It is this word that has got me through the most difficult phases of my life. It has fought battles for me. The best orthopedicians in the country told me I may have to be an invalid. I refused to believe in what goes against me. I hoped for the best.. I was back again like a lioness on my feet, snarling and protecting my young ones. I lead an active life, more active than most people, despite the verdict.
Being positive is letting your spirit become indomitable. Never cowed down by circumstances and pain. If you believe - you can do it. Impossible is nothing.
My every dream has come true. This is so because, hope, faith and corresponding action can get you places that practicality can never can!
Believe me .. I know what I am talking about.. I know that if I can, you can too! Be positive!
Listen to this song if you will... though it is about Christmas .. it is about hope and faith.. and life .. it may speak to you if you need this message today.

How to Free Your Mind - 2

Continuing from where I left off... How to free your mind I have a few more things to say on the subject..
You need to know when to break away...
Sometimes the weight of the past is not worth carrying into the future.. The future comes with   burdens of its own, so why carry extra baggage?
Consider if you have given too much importance to a person or thing that your life has become lopsided? Well, if you have it is time to get your life back into alignment.
Emotional baggage is a result of deposits of negative emotions from the past, like betrayal, hurts etc., that you carry forward with you... What you need to know is that, it is no longer you who carry or lead the way.. it is the weight of the emotional baggage that drags you around.
There is a great passage in the Bible (well, it is always my point of reference) where Abraham takes his son Issac to be sacrificed on Mt. Moriah. He tells two of the young men who journeyed with him.. 'stay here with the donkeys.'...  'I and the lad will go over there; and we will worship and return to you.'
Sometimes it is not worth taking the donkeys and the donkey keepers with you.. leave them behind... they do not understand your calling or the import of the job at hand... let them do what they are trained to... you go farther to fulfill your purpose and plan. Being saddled with donkeys which cannot make the steep climb will drag you down and stop your growth.
Learn, when to ignore... well sometimes that is all you may need to do. Ignore and focus on the present. Focus on the purpose, focus on the now!
Free your mind of its heaviness and fill it with the usefulness of the now...
Fill your mind with purpose..while actively emptying it of its negative experiences..
Remember that no experience is bad.. All have a purpose, a lesson in them for life.
Some are worth a life time of learning, while others are better left behind when you have understood their purpose.
Forgive... well I might harp a bit too much on this one...but to not forgive is to maim yourself and saddle yourself with the donkeys which are unfit for the terrain.
Erase negative memories. ( Since, I have already written much on this subject I will not get into the details here. This link could be useful, check it out)
Freeing your mind is to give yourself the license to fly high! You have the right to fly... Give yourself a chance.

How to Free Your Mind

How to free your mind - sofspics

A free mind is an open mind. It is clear, without prejudice or bias. Every person or opportunity is met with the same level of openness and expectation. A free mind as it implies does not have baggage from the past or points of negative reference. It is easier to gain more from your experiences, if you do not have all those voices in your head telling you, how it is going to be, even before you have had an opportunity to check things out for yourself.  Free your mind!
How to free your mind?
Great question! How to get rid of the baggage of the past? Dump it.
I am serious. What do you do with the things you no longer need? 
Well, if you are a compulsive hoarder you would keep it, no matter how useless it is to you. Your mind might tell you, “I may need it for the future’ or ‘There might come a day when I would need it” When you collect stuff that you no longer need, you are occupying storage space, utility space and living space. So is it with your mind. Get rid of those hurts and thought of the past that only serve to make you more miserable.
Learn to free your mind of mental garbage. The past is past, leave it behind. Live each day as though you do not have a care in the world. Easy said than done... I can hear you mutter.
Chose what you think... Yes, don’t you chose whom you are with, what you wear, or what you eat? In the same way, choose your thoughts.
Our thoughts are closely associated with our values. If someone has hurt me, my learned values tell me to forgive and forget. This is because I have been brought up that way or chosen to live based on these principles.
When you chose something that is against your values, there is a constant battle within. You mind has so much backend processing to do all the time.
Refuse to allow thoughts that are not in sync with your choice of thoughts. If I chose to forgive, I will not let thoughts of hurt and pain that the person has caused to occupy my mind. I focus on what I want to do and the place I want to reach. Focus is the key.
You cannot empty your mind or free it of thoughts, Mission IMPOSSIBLE.
Get rid of the negative thoughts and fill your mind with positive thoughts. Instead of lingering over the hurt feelings, I now focus on the good times, or why it would be great to move on.
Sometimes it is not worth investing so much emotion and time or some people or things. You really need to make a conscious decision.
How to free your mind... part two - to be continued in my next post.